Do you ever miss someone? It’s something I’ve been thinking about constantly over the past few days. The thought originated when I woke up on my Grandmother’s birthday. But lately I have been running into a lot of people from my past. I don’t know why recently, but it definitely makes me contemplate the very idea of missing someone and the various facets of those thoughts.
Thursday October 21st was my Grandmother’s B-Day. She would’ve been 83 this year, but she passed away August 20th 2007. My Grandmother was so secretive about her age, that she’s probably rolling in her grave because I publicized something she believed should be kept private. But I miss her dearly and every year that passes since her demise makes me really treasure the time that I had w/ her those last 3 years or so. In 2005 she was diagnosed with breast cancer, polyps, and colon cancer. We weren’t sure if she could handle it, or if she was strong enough to fight it. Don’t get me wrong, that woman had one hell of a spirit. She was fiery and full of spunk. But we thought breast cancer or colon cancer with the polyps was either going to get her in a combo or one would be more detrimental than the other. But she definitely shocked and amazed us and thanks to God, fought through and overcame both.
A few years later she was admitted to the hospital because she was losing blood, which is normally a sign of an infection or cancer. She ended up having an infection but they couldn’t pin point the type of infection. So they admitted her for an over night stay, that turned out to be a longer stay than expected. She was also diagnosed with Pneumonia, which weakened her lungs. Her lungs were so weak that one collapsed and they were forced to put her on respirator. The respirator was so uncomfortable for her and because of that, her body was rejecting it. The medical staff was forced to sedate her. They had to keep her continuously sedated because it was for her own good to keep her alive. After sometime her body began to fail and unfortunately her stomach began to bleed internally. This was the day they had to take her off the respirator and one of the saddest days of my life. I cannot forget her last breath. She passed away August 20th, 2007 and my life has never been the same
My biggest regret is not getting to the hospital in time before they originally sedated her. In a way I felt like I never really got the chance to say “Goodbye.” I had just gotten out of a dance instructor class and we stopped at McDonald’s on the way to the hospital because I was hungry. It kills me to this day because I keep going over the situation in my head and I still can’t stop contemplating how I could’ve arrived earlier than I did. But even though it’s in the past and can’t be changed, it still haunts my thoughts.
I was lucky because I got to say “Goodbye” as we let her go off life support. I know I should be thankful because most people don’t get the chance to be there for someone’s last moment on Earth. But for my Grandmother, I got the chance. I also know that some people go years without learning about another’s demise. Be it an acquaintance, a teacher, a friend, a family member, an old flame, a lost love, or whatever they once were to someone. The fact is at some point in time they were missed for how they made someone feel and for the type of person they were. Someone missed their personality, or some facet of the person that they couldn’t quite let go of in their memory.
People are missed for various reasons. Amongst these are loss, regret, fear, anger, love, sadness, pain, jealousy, and so on and so forth. You come to realize at a point in your life that reason and cause for missing someone are often one in the same. While other reasons are completely out of our hands and sometimes we do have “no effect” on the reason.
People often miss what they once had. Sometimes they regret moving on, while other times it wasn’t their choice. People believe wholeheartedly they know what they want. But honestly people only know a mere fraction of what they want and they are often missing the rest of the puzzle pieces to complete the whole picture. Sometimes what we want from someone or in life and what we need, are two entirely different things. Some people don’t know what they want until it arrives. While others regret and miss their past when they just haven’t found what they need yet. But a person doesn’t know this until it arrives. Some people learn this fairly quickly, while others it takes years or even an entire lifetime to learn.
I don’t know why things turn out the way they do or why we miss people for the reasons we do. You can call it fate, divine intervention, destiny, or whatever people believe it to be. I can’t explain it well at this point in time but it never ceases to amaze me why people blow in and out of our lives. Or the odd coincidence that paths cross once again. It’s funny because you can’t help but wonder why? Sometimes we cannot see the whole web in its grand design and you can’t help but wonder the various choices or paths that could be taken. Sometimes they are the ones less traveled, while other times they are a commonly traveled road, with lots of traffic. Sometimes they are full of temptation or risk. While other times it was the road you should’ve taken or were “meant” to take all along. That is, if you believe in that sort of thing. But in the end the choice is up to you.
You can’t help but wonder what life throws your way and the lessons it teaches you or the ideas, thoughts, and choices it provokes you to contemplate.
I’m ending on that note, but if I come up with anything else to add I’ll definitely notify everyone.
Goodnight and I hope you liked what I had to say…
Sweet Dreams Love Katie